As a young girl, I received a spiral art kit one year for Christmas or my birthday. I remember the different coloured, kaleidoscopic patterns made with pens and the odd shapes or varying sizes of gear circles. Have you ever used one? One thing to keep in mind is that if you continue going over and over the same space with different colours, you will lose the individual colour and it all turns to black.

There is a fine line between ruminating for completion and creating beauty in life, and getting stuck in a holding pattern that reinforces the darkness.

Can we change gears or pens, as we spiral around in our circles of suffering? Can we find the strength to make a change? It may be changing your bed sheets, having a shower, going for a walk, eating nourishing food, texting a friend, or seeing your doctor. Any little wobble from the stuck pattern will do.

I have been caught in a spiral and chose to add two new supplements to my day. It’s been 2 weeks and I have still been struggling but I have a couple weeks before my next doctor’s appointment and I remain hopeful that I am going to see improvement. It’s a wobble to be sure but a wobble is better than wearing through my paper-thin sanity as I work my way through this spiral gear.

I am not currently knowledgeable enough to write on this – but I am wondering if I need to work through creating a C-PTSD manual of sorts for pastor’s wives. Maybe one already exists. It is just a thought I had this morning.

I like pain to have a purpose.

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