2 am

2 am is never a good time for pretending. My makeup is off and thin satin cannot disguise anything. Everything is what it is at 2 am. No masks. No hiding, except what the darkness covers. And all around me is peace and quiet and I can think through the tired, the earplugged silence, the stillness of spirit.

I said a soft goodbye this week, to an old friend. She is a half-kindred, and I should have known better, having been in half-kindred friendships before, but it seemed good at the time, and was good, and could be good again… but for now, goodbye, a soft goodbye, a gentle closing of my door and latching of my gate, and turning on my outdoor fog machine to obscure her view of me, is best. Silence is best. For now.

It is the classic INFJ door slam. But for God, it would be “Pull up the drawbridge!” And I’d set the crocodiles free into the moat and heat the oil and prepare for further defensive maneuvers.

Instead, I pray blessings upon her. I walk further away from her, into my wilderness or up on my mountain, seeking God’s face and praying.

Her snake bite hasn’t been completely drained of poison. The venom of accusation and rebuke is still smarting. But as I pray, I am soothed. And God assures me He is listening, and not to replace His voice with mere mortals who attempt false authority. “Stay strong, daughter. Listen. Her words brought you closer to me. All is not lost. Stay close. Keep walking in my love. Keep loving those whom I place in your path. Serve with love. Speak with love. Sit quietly in my love, as you sit with each one.”

And so, at 2 am, the poison drained out just a little bit more, I can rest in my Father’s presence, unashamed of imperfections, unmasked and unafraid. “Hush now, my child. I am watching. I am waiting. I will watch over you while you are sleeping. And I will sing.”

3 thoughts on “2 am

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  1. I am sorry for you pain and loss. What a tender and beautiful spirit you have! Such kindness to one who has injured you, and so Christlike to pray for her. I am so touched and so glad to see you in your father’s arms. I can see such a love between you too! Me and God love you, sister! ❤

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