Renewed: Day 37, Having a Voice

“When we remain silent or refuse to use our gifts, we hamper the body of Christ from achieving its fullness. God places members in the body of Christ to bring it to health, and we are part of the body. Our voices and gifts matter.” (Renewed, Leigh Powers, pg 155)

I am passionate about people having their voice.

Likely, because I have had to fight hard for mine and still struggle to use it.

I’ve been really struggling to use my voice lately. I’m not sure if it’s from the change in my medication for hypothyroidism or if I’m swinging into a depressive phase or if it’s weariness from the spiritual battle or needing healing from being done at our last church and all of the more distant past trauma layers needing healing that have been coming out since April’s ministry retreat… likely a combination of all (after reading my list, I’m having an easier time being gracious to myself about feeling so fatigued!) But having a voice is still so important, even if I am currently too tired to use mine. ❤

I recently had my voice rejected by someone whom I care deeply about. After processing and praying, I realized that the rejection was more about her rejecting herself than me. We so often reject ourselves – how we look, who we are, what we do … we see all of the ways that we don’t measure up to whatever standard we are holding up for ourselves. And we assume that others are holding us up to those same idealized standards. Those assumptions bring death. And in rejecting others, we bring a little death into our relationships.

~~~ Fear and Death often walk hand in hand. Death uses Fear to accuse, reject, dismay, fight, and frighten. One day, Fear and Death came upon Courage and Life dancing in the middle of a busy street. “What are you doing?” Death questioned the pair. “Aren’t you afraid of getting ran down?” timidly asked Fear.  Courage looked boldly into their dark, staring eyes, twirled Life into a tender embrace, and smilingly said, “As long as we hold on to each other and keep moving in time with the Music, everyone can see us from far away.” “Besides,” added Life with a joyful jump, “whoever approaches us – admires us. We’ve been inviting everyone who passes by to join our dance. Would you like to come?” Fear turned to run away, too scared to speak, still caught in Death’s bony grip. “Maybe another time.” Death uttered darkly. “I’d have to find a different partner and as you both well know, no one dances with me for very long. It wouldn’t be worth my trouble.” And with that, Death stalked away with Fear firmly in hand but just before turning the next corner, Fear glanced back with concern at the beautiful couple, still dancing and smiling, – inviting others to come join them.

~~~ A bit of dark comedy or story… and it helps me to feel better just getting something down and out. I so badly want to keep my courage and love of life up… I just need to weather through this rainy season of the soul.

And keep using my voice as much as possible.

Because getting locked up inside is not an option that I want to give myself anymore. It all must come out.

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