Calming Down in a Wild Sea

"What is with me?" This is the question I've been asking as I reflect on shutting doors and getting bolder in relationships. The common thread is fear. When I don't feel safe, I shut down. What I used to do as a teen, when surviving the crazy-toxic, was to shut down silently. I see my...

Bricks

Brick: the migraine that dulls down but keeps niggling its way back. Bricks: the ruminations on discouragement. Fear. Loneliness. Brick: social media relationship challenges. Brick: conflict. Bricks: health, hormones, and (though related, deserves its own brick) broken sleep/insomnia/sleep deprivation. I've been hitting this brick wall. After posting a meme and having conflict ensue, I debated...

Keeper of the Light

Bleary eyed, after only 4 hours of sleep, I pad downstairs to check the state of our fire. Sigh. One stick remains with a bit of glow but otherwise, it doesn't look good. I'm going to be here a while. I rearrange the remaining stick, hoping I am maximizing the use of the piddly embers,...

Troubling but true

I am gripped by my current Saturday afternoon movie choice: "Seven Deadly Words". This linked review is worth reading about the show. Eric "Doc" Benson wrote the script based on his nearly two decades of ministry as a pastor, planter, and consultant. The film is "inspired by actual events". As a pastor's wife of nearly...

Blustery Winds

4:30am and I have tossed and turned enough. I don't know what is causing my inability to go back to sleep but perhaps if I can get some thoughts out, I'll get to the bottom of it. After my most recent doctor's appointment, 9 days ago, I am finally starting Natural Dessicated Thyroid to treat...

Frosty Fall Mornings

I got up before 6am, relieved that my horrible migraine of yesterday had mostly lifted, and came downstairs to see where our fire was at in the fireplace. Completely cold. No embers at all and the 3 sticks of wood I had fed it before bed were left untouched. So I started from scratch and...

Swirling winds

Our weather has been pretty typical... a bit of snow, rain, blustery wind, calm and cool, sunny and bright, cloudy and dismal. I like it. It's pretty much reflective of my current self. I've found myself complaining and having a general crappy attitude this week. But it's not constant, unending complaining... just a general malaise...

Autumn’s path through healing

The road of healing in Autumn is covered with fallen leaves over roots and stumbling stones. I picture each voice as one of those three things: a leaf, a root, or a pebble. I can silence them all. Unless the Wind breathes upon the leaves, stirring their collective voices; unless the pebble is scraped with...

Glow, little ember

It's nearly 2 am. I woke up with a groggy, sickly feeling. Dr.Google & I are convinced that I have an ulcer and after a few horridly painful days last week, it has been getting better. But I took a medication before bed, on an empty stomach, and 'Nellie' doesn't like that. (I think naming...